


who?

by jeonginssweetheart



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, Angst, Diary/Journal, Hurt/Comfort, I'm like 7 chapters in and they haven't met yet, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Moving In Together, Slow Burn, Suicide Attempt, but they'll meet eventually kkkkk, im sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 06:41:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16321088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonginssweetheart/pseuds/jeonginssweetheart
Summary: the last thing hyunjin expected to find when he moved into the gloomy, cheap apartment with his best friend, changbin, was a diary. a diary with a worn out black leather cover and a name messily scrawled on the first page."property of yang jeongin."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry
> 
> heres just an introduction- i've already written most of the first chapter so that will be published soon uwu!

 

hyunjin grumbled to himself, collapsing onto his mattress in a tired heap. looking around at his messy, unpacked bedroom, he sighed, curling over onto his side and pulling his phone from his pocket. it was day one of his independence- day one in a new flat, living with his best friend and without the financial support from his parents. it was day one of a new life. trying to find a way to put off actually unpacking, perfectly okay with the idea of just sleeping on his thin mattress on the floor, he began to scroll through his social media. 

and three hours later, when changbin poked his head in the room, he wasn't surprised to find hyunjin in that exact same spot, with nothing done.

* * *

 

it had been a few days before hyunjin actually unpacked his room. the rest of the house was neat, everything put away and food stocking the fridge, but the house still had a vibe that neither hyunjin or changbin liked. as hyunjin began to hang his clothes on hangers, and neatly put each item away in the closet, a small item caught his eye. a small in size black journal. bending down a little lower, hyunjin swooped it up. 

"it must have been left here by the last tenants," he mumbled to no one in particular, turning it over in his hands and inspecting it for a few short moments. a weird feeling swelled in the pit of his stomach. should he open it?

curiosity got the better of him. ignoring the sick feeling he opened the journal to the first page, instantly noticing the worn down pages. 

he read everything out quietly.

_"if found, please return to yang jeongin, apartment 103, floor 3."_

 


	2. Chapter 2

_"january first, two thousand and eighteen"_

the first thing that hyunjin noticed, was the neat layout. the first page filled with neat handwriting, and after flipping through the pages for a moment, he noticed it seemed to be quite consistent. his eyes began to scan the page- and his heart clenched as he softly read each word out loud.

_"mom and dad kicked me out again. but, for real this time. i guess i should of expected it. my grades have been struggling, i just got fired, but what really pushed it over the line was them walking in on me with another boy last night._

_we didn't take it overly far. just some kissing and hugging as we watched the news years eve fireworks from my balcony. i didn't expect my parents to even be home. they planned on going out, which was the only reason i allowed chan to come over. i made him leave though, and my parents got way too upset. they told me i had until morning to pack and find a place to stay. so here i am, sat on a park bench with nothing but a suitcase full of clothes and my diary. i think i might contact chan- ask if i can stay with him for a bit."_

hyunjin had resorted to reading in his head- each word that popped from the page being spoken quieter until his voice just sizzled away into nothing. he had sat down on his mattress, letting the words be engraved into his mind.

_"i'll message him soon, i don't have much charge on my phone or much money with me. for now, i'll go. it looks as if its going to rain, and i'm getting really cold. i'll find somewhere sheltered to stay for now._

                      _\- yang jeongin."_

the entry only took up about a quarter of the page. a line was left blank before another date was recording on the next line. the same date as before.

_"january first, two thousand and eighteen - continued_

_i managed to take shelter in a cafe just before the rain started. i called chan and asked if he could meet me here and i almost started crying when he said he was on his way. i told him i had to talk to him, he asked if it was about what happened last night, and i replied with yes. we talked about my situation and eventually, i asked if i could stay with him for a bit._

_he said no."_

hyunjin almost stopped reading. it was like reading a novel.

_"but he said he could organize an apartment for me. his uncle owns an apartment flat, and he left about half an hour ago to talk to him and try to get an apartment for me for cheap. i can move in tomorrow if he can convince his uncle. i'm still here, at the cafe, however. it hasn't stopped raining, and i can tell the employees are starting to get mad at me. i'll pack this all away, and go walk around for a bit. let's hope it doesn't soak my diary._

_\- yang jeongin."_

hyunjin could hardly make sense over what was on the page, too much guilt swam in his mind. he exhaled a deep breath and slipped the diary under his pillow. he decided he would tell changbin about it the next day. for now, he just needed to sleep and process what he read.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp there was a bit of a wait on this cuz i may of fallen asleep whilst writing and never finished


	3. Chapter 3

hyunjin never told changbin. 

he forgot about it, completely. the diary sat untouched under his pillow- and he didn't find it again until he was putting his bed together, back sore from lying against the ground. after a whole three hours, the bed frame was built, and hyunjin was ready to lift the mattress onto the bed- only for the forgotten item to fall to the ground, along with his pillows. hearing it _thunk_ to the ground, he dropped his mattress quite carelessly, bending over to pick it up. 

"oh," he mumbled. "fuck- i forgot about this." hyunjin sat down quietly on the edge of his bed frame, flipping back to the first page. he began to read.

_"january second, two thousand and eighteen._

_things seem to be moving too fast. i've already moved some things into this apartment, but it gives me the chills. everything about it- even chan's uncle. he's just one of those people that give off weird vibes. it feels like i should avoid him at all costs. anyway, the only available apartment is smallish in size, but it's got two bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room area. it feels lonely here honestly like i should have someone here with me._

_i took the bigger bedroom from myself though."_

hyunjin had the bigger bedroom to himself. he and changbin made a deal. due to hyunjin currently majoring in dance, he needed the extra space to practice, and since changbin was majoring in singing, rapping and writing lyrics, he only really needed to fit a bed and a desk in the room. 

the only issue so far, was every time hyunjin tried to dance, the residents in the apartment building below him complained. it didn't really stop him though.

_"i returned home last night to pack some more of my things. when i knocked on the door, my father answered, but didn't say anything to me. he just stared at me. i had managed to pathetically ask if i could go upstairs to pack up the rest of my things, because i had managed to find other living arrangements, and he just grumbled, stepping aside. before i walked up the stairs, i made eye contact with my mother, but she quickly looked away. for the split second, i was able to look at her for, i saw some kind of emotion settle on her features. part of me hoped that is was guilt._

_another part hoped i was just seeing things, and hoped that she just really didn't care._

_i'm quite sure it's something i've mentioned in a lot of my entries in previous journals- my love-hate relationship with my mom. she absolutely hates me, for the person i've become but one night, when my father was out, she got drunk. we hugged, and we cried, and even though it was probably just the alcohol making her say what she said, i still wanted so badly to believe her when she said that she still loved me."_

at this point, hyunjin might have felt like crying. 

might have.

_"shit, i kind of went off topic there. i don't remember quite what i was going to write anymore. i'm going to start unpacking, and hope i can scrape together enough money to eat tonight. i'll start looking for a job tomorrow, i promise._

__\- yang jeongin."__

hyunjin sighed, gently placing the book on his desk. there was so much hidden in those pages that he so desperately wanted to uncover. but the first one, which gnawed at every part of his mind, was  _who_ yang jeongin was. 

so hyunjin pulled out his laptop, powering it on and typing in a url that he hadn't typed for a while. 

because if you wanted to find information on just about anyone,  _facebook_ would be the first step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please ignore any errors its like 1am where i live lmao k thanks ily


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning!!!!  
> \- self-harm + suicidal thoughts  
> stay safe bubs

hyunjin found quite a few accounts, all with the same of yang jeongin.

as he began to scroll through, he searched one by one. most of them seemed to belong to college students, old men, or account inactive for years. hyunjin had managed to piece together some things about the writer. he was seventeen- which he stated directly and hasn't lived with his family for roughly the last year.

after three or so hours, of just scrolling through profiles, one caught his eye.

the boy's information said that he was seventeen. clicking on the pictures, he saw the boy had been tagged in multiple- and in most of them, he had been carrying around a journal.

"this isn't enough proof that it's him-" hyunjin mumbled, picking up the diary and continuing on from where he left off last, looking for more clues.

_"january fifth, two thousand and eighteen."_

there were two days worth of entries missing. well, maybe not missing, just most likely never written. hyunjin had inspected the inside of the binder, noticing no torn pages.

_"i've been too busy to write."_

that explains it.

" _i managed to get a job. i'm making just enough money to pay rent, eating is something i'm having difficulty with. but, i'll get through it. my parents haven't contacted me either. looks like this is a permanent thing."_

the entry ended there before another started directly under it. there was no date.

_"i've cut myself. it started as accidental, i guess. i didn't really want to do it. when i came home from work i just crumpled to the ground and i cried. i cried for quite a few hours before the tears just stopped. so i got up and went about my day, until i was doing the few dishes i had. i dried a small-ish knife i had used to prepare dinner last night, rolled up my sleeve and just dragged the knife across my skin."_

hyunjin felt sick.

_"nothing happened, so i did it again and again until i finally pierced the skin. i bled quite a lot, and i'm quite sure i passed out afterwards. i don't really remember though."_

he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. why was he still doing this? why was he still stressing himself with this? he grumbled, closing down his laptop screen, and placed his pillows onto his mattress- which he still hadn't had a chance to place on the bed frame. he tucked the diary underneath the pillows and just closed his eyes.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright, just a small update for now. i had an idea and wanted to add it so uwu here you go.  
> thoughts? if you have any thoughts or theories on what may happen feel free to comment !


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings!!!  
> \- mentions panic attacks  
> \- underage drinking + drug use
> 
> also i just realised how l it t l e i've mentioned changbin so here's a chapter kinda dedicated to him uwu!  
> oh and happy late birthday minho!

_"february first, two thousand and eighteen._  


_i've been too busy to write lately. i've almost finished the school semester though, meaning i can start writing a bit more._

_not very much has happened since last entry, but a few weeks ago, chan dragged me to a party that a college student he knew hosted at his parent's house, on january twenty-first, i think. the house was huge, and apparently, the boy's parents were never really home anyway. but details aside, i hated it. everyone got drunk and despite the large house, it was cramped. everyone at the college was there, and even students from my high school were there, and i had a panic attack after losing sight of chan and his friend minho. i ran outside, crying. it was a minor attack, nothing like what i normally had but i still felt like i couldn't breathe. i ended up hiding down the side of the house, but, someone found me."_

that night, hyunjin had also been at the party. it was  _changbin's_ house that the party was held at. hyunjin wasn't much of a party kid, but he never turned down the opportunity to socialise and possibly get laid. so at sundown, he made his way over to his best friend's house, surprised to see that people were already there, drunk, high, and passed out right throughout the house. 

things were going fine. hyunjin had a glass or two to drink, and he wasn't drunk, just slightly intoxicated. exiting the house for a bit of fresh air, having developed a bit of a headache from all the loud music, he made his way down the side of the house but came face to face with a boy a few years younger than him. hyunjin's heart dropped when he saw tears pouring from the boy's eyes.

hyunjin had met jeongin that night. 

hyunjin had helped hyunjin get through his panic attack, but they didn't keep in contact with each other.

shit.

_"his name was hyunjin. we didn't exchange any other information though. he knows chan though, i think."_

bang chan? yeah, hyunjin knew him. they spoke once, and never spoke again- it was for good reason. sighing, he once again slid the diary under his pillow and forced himself to sleep. it had become an unhealthy habit, and changbin had certainly happened to notice it.

and he pulled hyunjin up on it. the moment hyunjin exited his room, running a hand through his messed up hair, changbin appeared in front of him.

"are you okay, jin?" the voice had startled hyunjin slightly, a dull pain ringing in his head. he must have been oversleeping, by way too much.

sitting down at the kitchen table, he nodded, "yeah, i'm fine," he paused for a moment, "but uh, by any chance, do you remember that kid we found at the party earlier this year? the one that was crying?"

changbin took a moment to answer, "i do, yang jeongin, i think. he's in his last year of high school and was friends with chan-" his voice trailed. 

no one often spoke of chan anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a chapter that takes place the day after the party mentioned in the last.  
> hyunjin's pov btw

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so i've lowkey been like really fuckin busy with life in general and have had no inspiration for this, which is why i havent updated in such a long time but i got a few free hours and ive managed to make this shitty chapter. i can't write my best pieces when i'm forcing myself, if that makes sense-  
> so it's terrible and short but aHHH im still not 100% okay with the plot to this so im constantly changing it and ahh okay  
> also--  
> there's implied smut, or at least the start of smut before bOOM SLIGHT ANGST but you dont really read much owo

hyunjin's early morning class had been hectic. his performance was slightly struggling as a pain built up in his head from the slight hangover. but he pushed himself, attempting to impress the cute boy he was dancing with.

a lot of people joked at the time- they were already dating, so why should hyunjin be trying to impress the infamous lee felix? hyunjin generally had no reason, despite the flustered look on the shorter dancer's face every time the pair made eye contact through the mirror. by the time hey had gotten out of class, the tension between them was overly high. when the professor dismissed them, hyunjin swung his bag over his shoulder before grabbing felix's hand and leading him quickly to a campus bathroom, knowing they both had the next period free.

it started with passionate kisses and breathy moans as they moved against each other, pressed against the door. which lead to the removing of each other's shirts and a trail of kisses lowering from felix's cheek, down to his neck. but something had made hyunjin stop in his tracks. he pulled away, leaving a confused boy still panting for breath against the door.

"what are those?" hyunjin had asked, eyeing the array of already red marks on felix's skin, decorating his collarbone, shoulders, and halfway down his chest.  
immediately, an expression that could be interpreted as either guilt, shame, or annoyance crossed felix's face, "nothing," he muttered, "probably from the last time we did it."  
"they're fresh," he bluntly pointed out, "i can tell they are, felix. it's been almost a month since we, you know," he trailed off.  
"they would of disappeared by now if they were from me." 

felix definitely looked guilty. he sighed, his gaze dropping to the floor and his fingers indiscreetly dug into the grove of his neck, checking his pulse- something hyunjin noticed felix do a lot. what did hyunjin feel? he couldn't tell. a mix of worthlessness and sadness and annoyance and betrayal. 

"who did you do it with?"   
silence. he spoke louder, clearly angry.  
"who with?" his voice seemed laced with venom.

felix's answer took a while. he seemed to be debating over whether he should say the person's name or not.  
"chan," he muttered, "bang chan," he spoke again.

hyunjin grumbled something under his breath, before picking his shirt up off of the floor and pulling it on. with a single glance at felix, he shoved him out of the way and stormed out. 

and although he wasn't proud of what he did next, he searched the halls for bang chan, and let anger take over his actions.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait edited becAUSE I FORGOT TO WRITE A NOTE
> 
> the story will probably be ending soon-ish. i've got another 5 or so maybe chapters planned. the story itself wont be over 15 chapters long so aha
> 
> but thank you all so so much for the support <3  
> please leave some kudos and comments cuz istg they make me feel great uwu

_"february eight, two thousand and eighteen,"_

this first thing that hyunjin could notice about this entry, was the lack of neatness. the letters almost strayed off of the page. it was inconsistent, making hyunjin wonder why there was such a difference between this and the rest of jeongin's entries.

_"it was my birthday today. my mum visited, and we both broke down in tears and she apologized. i don't know if she meant it though. sure, she took time out of her day but something felt missing- still i accepted her apology and dropped the subject. she slipped me an envelope full of cash, which was previously being saved for next year when i started college and told me to do whatever i wanted with it. i thanked her, we hugged, she wished me a happy birthday and she left. i was confused._

_but, i'm going to keep the money for college, because at the moment i have no other way to pay for it."_

again, the entry stopped there, and as hyunjin's eyes scanned the words on the page, he felt angry for unknown reasons. this whole diary was like nothing more than a narrative to hyunjin, and every now and then, he had to remind himself that these were real events.

_"february eight - continued,_

_chan came over with his boyfriend, felix. felix bought seungmin, chan also bought minho and jisung- who seemed to be a thing. woojin, a boy i met earlier this year, also came along. they bought a cake and we celebrated but when they left i just broke down. i suddenly felt completely worthless. i didn't know how to make the feeling go away so i sat against the door and i sobbed. at some point, i got up, and i ended up cutting. it was deeper than last time, and i did it a few more times. but i cleaned and wrapped the wounds."_

hyunjin gritted his teeth. 

_"i think i might have some kind of mental health issue but i really don't want to get it checked."_

a lot of things were missing from the last few entries that hyunjin had read. firstly, jeongin hadn't signed the entries off with his full name like the rest. it was also messy, words in all different sizes and different coloured pens from where the last one must have run out. 

but it wasn't only that, because on the next page, when he flipped it, he found red-brown smudges over the writing, and he knew right away that it was blood. as the night continued on, hyunjin let himself get lost in the pages, reading all of the entries for february and march, noticing the inconsistency within those pages still. 

they all seemed to be about similar things- jeongin having panic attacks or breaking down or overworking himself or cutting or telling himself that he's worthless. 

and the blood- 

the blood got worse on certain pages.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly same deal as before, i have no motivation for this story anymore but i want to finish it for y'all s o  
> but um yeah  
> enjoy this short shitty chapter its like 6am and im tir e d so

hyunjin awoke with a stiff neck and mild headache. he was laid on his back, his head lifted so it was elevated against the bedframe. he sat up groggily, it took him a minute to remember the events of last night. as he moved his blanket, a small weight pressed down against his stomach, and he glanced to see the diary. 

it had only been about a week since he found the diary and in the week that hyunjin had been living there, changbin had started to question if everything was okay.

hyunjin wasn't surprised to find changbin already awake, brewing a cup of coffee, and snickered when they made eye contact and the older boy pulled another mug out. within a few minutes, they sat at the table, sipping coffee and quietly holding eye contact, until changbin spoke.

"are you sure this is what you want?"

it took hyunjin by surprise, and he gave the boy a puzzled look, "what do you mean?"

his heart clenched when he heard changbin sigh and watched him look away, "are you sure you're okay with this? with us moving in together?"

oh. hyunjin got out of his seat, the noise of the chair scraping catching changbin's attention. hyunjin approached him, hugged his best friend, and with a sad smile, muttered "i couldn't be more sure,"

this seemed to brighten changbin up, but he looked as if he still had so much to ask when hyunjin pulled away.

"why have you been so down since we moved here though?"

hyunjin thought for a moment, considering on whether to tell him everything about the diary, and in the end, he swallowed his pride, letting down the "i-won't-let-this-affect-me" facade, and told changbin everything.

half an hour later, hyunjin finished his story. he watched as changbin took in what he just said.

"have you read the whole thing?" he asked, nodding when hyunjin shook his head.

"i remember jeongin-" changbin mumbled, wracking his brain, "back when i was still in high school, i befriended him,"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmm changjin?? ;)  
> i won d e r 
> 
>  
> 
> also i realised how s h o r t all these chapters are but whoops i tried but h e Y pls love me and maybe consider reading some of my other works because they're longer-ish and more well-planned


End file.
